In Memoriam - My Cousin Mort

Mar 15, 2010

My cousin's wife, Sallie, called yesterday. When I picked up the phone and heard her voice, I knew immediately the reason for the call. "Mort passed away last night, peacefully, in his sleep". I knew that that phone call was going to come sooner or later. Stacey and I, you might remember, took a Caribbean cruise a year ago last September. Sallie and Mort were cruise people - they loved it and they had asked us, for the longest time, to join them on one. We did and we had a fabulous and enjoyable trip with them. We talked about doing that again one day - but it was not to be.

When Mort returned home from that trip he developed a strange cough. The diagnosis was lung cancer. For a year-and-a-half he did battle with that cursed disease. But Saturday night it took him away from us - his loved ones. And ones who loved him in return.

Left to right - Stella, my dad's older sister, Morty (Mort), Dolf, his father and Stel's wife.

Mort was 77 years old. As a youngster of ten, I looked up to my handsome 23-year old cousin. He was one of two sons of my father's sister Stella. The Marks family lived in Miami but Mort lived for a while with my Grandma and Grandpa in Brooklyn, attending school. Later on he studied at the Naval Academy - the third member of my extended family to have done so. Even then, he was an off and on again visitor to Brooklyn and the family. So I knew him fairly well.

That early familiarity changed later on. Like many families - folks got married, had kids, moved far away and drifted apart. Fast forward from the 50s to the 90s - that's when we reestablished contact - it was when my dad, who Mort was very fond of, was sick and dying. He wanted to come and visit his Uncle Ben. We maintained our contact after that, becoming close friends, and Mort and then his wife, Sallie (whom we have come to love and who's friendship we cherish) were visitors to our house in Manhattan Beach and then in Prospect Heights. And we returned the visits to their house, outside Montgomery, Alabama. We also spent time at their beautiful Alabama lake house that they had such pride in. Then there was that fun and memorable Caribbean cruise and a final get together at their timeshare in the Poconos. The cancer, by that time, was taking its toll on him along with the chemotherapy and he tired easily. Though he didn't have the energy he was still, as ever, the generous, gracious and welcoming host.

At their time share in Orlando in advance of our cruise to the Caribbean. Click for larger view.

On the cruise - ready for dinner.

The four of us at the Poconos time share. It was two lovely days - but, sadly, the last time we spent time together.

We kept in touch by phone and I found it remarkable that he always sounded so calm. He knew that his time was coming and was, of course, distressed by that -hating that he would not be able to grow old with his family that he adored and who loved him. Yet he still talked about it very matter-of-factly and faced it with a quiet dignity and even optimism that he might yet just pull through. I often wondered, after hearing him, how I would fare contemplating the same enormous weight on me that Mort was facing. I believe it was a mark of his considerate manner and gentleness that he was able to be so peaceful when faced with the certainty of death.

One more observation should be made - he was able in large part, I think, to bear up under such a heavy load because he had his darling Sallie as his companion: a steady and unbending support to lean on. I don't know too many couples who were as loving and caring of each other as were Sallie and Mort.

I've been thinking about my cousin, more or less all day for the past day. I know that Sallie will have a terribly hard time saying goodbye and adjusting to life without Mort because I can feel, in some very small way compared to her, how he impacted my own life. He was a good, kind and decent man. I'm fortunate to have known him - not only as a little boy so many, many years ago - a distant memory now - but as an adult for the past 15 years when he was an important part of our lives.

This is a sad but fond farwell to my dear cousin and friend.

May you rest in peace knowing that you brought joy, good company and kindness to your family and friends.

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